The Leaving

It was my belief that a proper good bye might allow me to better embrace my new life in Guadeloupe. But I left in a rush, as I often do, with the feeling of unfinished business.

It was a wonderful month spent in the company of family and friends. There were big family dinners and quiet drinks with friends. I went to museums, and browsed in book stores. I ate Chinese tea, Korean fried chicken, Italian pastries. I walked...blocks upon blocks of endless city.

With a summer trip back already planned and paid for, it was probably useless to try and see my leaving through any prism of permanency. Still, I cried when I said good-bye to my sisters and felt miserable for a good while after.

I had a strange feeling the first day back, something that bordered on disbelief. How it is possible to have so easily passed from one world to the other? I felt I had been deprived of my family and friends, from my city with far too much ease. And yet, I felt that I had come home. This was my house, my kitchen, my bed. This was my husband.

I think I was misguided in thinking that without putting New York behind me, I would never make a home in Guadeloupe. And I have expected too much of my first months living here. It was only natural that I should have such doubts and apprehensions, dislike and regret. But, these are merely symptoms of change and adaptation, and in no way predict my failure to live a new life.

I've come home with a sense of optimism. And with a bit of luck, I might just be able to make myself a life here after all.