Too Connected

Having spent yet another day aimlessly on the internet, I wonder if the internet is sabotaging my attempt at making a new life in Guadeloupe.

When I first arrived in September, internet had not yet been installed at the house and would not be for almost an entire month. I think its unnecessary to describe the anguish. Still, it took me one whole week to overcome my fear of going out alone so that I could use the free internet at the local library. I can tell you, I was ecstatic when we finally got internet at the house.

Since, I obsessively check my email, refreshing that inbox continually. I also read the NYTimes everyday: first the style and food pieces, occasionally some real estate and home&garden, and finally, I dutifully read the headlines, some world and US politics. Occasionally, I read some other online magazines, and a few blogs. All of this inevitably leads me to random surfing on the internet. Added to work, my days are essentially spent in front of my computer, online.

It has occurred to me that time I spend online, connecting with the world outside of Guadeloupe, is time I might have spent with Guadeloupe. M.'s brother J.C. spent three weeks here, and in those three weeks, he had more contact with people here than I have during the three months I've been on this island.

Worse, since November, I've started blogging, which adds a few hours of internet time weekly.

I started this blog for a few reasons. I feel a blog is a wonderful way of sharing my experiences and my new life with family and friends, all of whom now live several layovers away. However, I blog mainly for myself - a reason, I think, that is fairly common amongst bloggers. I blog to reflect upon my experiences and my life in Guadeloupe, and to do so in an intelligent and thoughtful way. The prospect of having an audience ensures that I take the time to blog, and do so in a somewhat serious manner - both of which gives blogging a great advantage over a personal diary. Finally, I started this blog in hopes that it would help me adapt. I thought it might help me generate the excitement I lacked in making Guadeloupe my new home.

Despite these good intentions, though, I think blogging about Guadeloupe may only make any sort of integration or assimilation more difficult because I insulate myself from my new environment. I observe, but do not participate. I see and experience my life through the lens of a former New Yorker, instead of attempting to seeing Guadeloupe as it is.

Perhaps this view is harsh. Anybody who is obliged to undergo such a radical change is permitted a period of adaptation. In any case, I don't think I will give up blogging for the time being (nor stop my other online activities), but I think I will try harder to get away from my computer, and out into the real Guadeloupe more often.